A news sampler

My cubicle usually makes FEMA's newsletter two or three times a year. Mentions like, "Congratulations to Joe Smith in Dispatch for scaling Mount Everest this summer. What’s next, Joe, cleaning Romeo’s desk???” And there was that discovery of a condor colony during a routine bulldozing of the guest-chair area in ’06.

It’s not that I prefer the post-cyclone look of my workspace, despite its likelihood of being the next “Survivor” setting. I just can’t bring myself to bury news tidbits in files that defy easy labeling. I prefer to maintain a desktop Miscellaneous mound, so I can savor informational details that would otherwise be lost. Consider, for instance, these gold flakes in the recent stream of news.

Wal-Mart wants your pizza business. During primetime Olympics coverage, the retailing bully aired a commercial that should’ve had pizza chains sweating like Chinese gymnasts being asked for proof of age. The spot explains that ordering a pizza from a restaurant usually costs about $14, while bringing home a take-and-bake pie from Wal-Mart will set a family back just $8. “If your family eats pizza once a week, you could save $312 a year,” the voice-over explains. Better push those pastas, Pizza Hut.

Little burgers are now Chili’s biggest. Big Mouth Bites, Chili’s version of the mini-sandwiches that competitors of all stripes seem to be sporting these days, are now the chain’s best selling burgers, according to officials of parent Brinker International.

McCormick & Schmick take a different group-business tack. Everyone targets local businesses for catering and party business. M&S is trying the different path of pursuing companies on a national basis. The high-end seafood chain is reaching out to corporate accounts that are planning road shows to hawk their wares or services. The restaurant company offers those road warriors the ease of setting up the feeding operations of the whole tour with just one call to a centralized sales and support center.

Cheesecake Factory isn’t alone in trying delivery. BJ’s Restaurants, the high-volume chain headed by Cheesecake alumnus Jerry Deitchle, is already offering the service at 71 of its 75 casual-dining restaurants, according to executives. If it’s indeed blazing a path for Cheesecake, the latter may soon be seen walking the aisles at BestBuy. BJ’s is also upgrading its TVs to flat-screen models.

Outback’s parent sells its plane to familiar parties. As it was losing $176 million during the second quarter, OSI Restaurant Partners decided it was time to thin out its fleet of aircraft. It sold one on July 1 for $8.1 million to a company called Billabong Air II Inc., which happened to be owned by two of the company’s founders, co-owners and executives, according to securities documents. That’s not to say other residents of the executive floor will always have to fly commercial. As part of the deal, Billabong agreed to let OSI lease the plane for up to 200 hours a year, at a cost of $2,500 per hour. Blankets and pillows were apparently not part of the deal.

There are probably far more tidbits I could share with you, but there's movement under the pile of papers near my keyboard, and it could be something alive. Unfortunately, that’s also where I left the number of Animal Control.

Your eyes don't deceive you

Rumors have been popping up this week like a Whac-a-Mole game stuck on Espresso Drinkers mode. The Scoop feels compelled to set the record straight by smashing the restaurant-related falsehoods among them. Consider, for instance, these double whoppers making the rounds.

Planet Hollywood DID NOT buy Buca di Beppo at a yard sale. A price of $9.7 million for an 88-unit chain is completely major-market, though the deal includes a barely used bowling ball and a crock pot still in its original box. Nor is it true that Bruce Willis’ colander will become a standard part of Buca’s wall décor.

Similarly, Brinker IS NOT trying to sell Romano’s Macaroni Grill on CraigsList.

The Food and Drug Administration DID NOT use a dartboard to pick a suspect for the salmonella outbreak. The agency wielded cutting-edge epidemiology to determine that the culprit was not a tomato, as it maintained for several weeks, even when another agency was citing peppers as a possibility. That same caliber of detective work later pinpointed a pepper as the likely perp. Oops—make that two types of peppers. And maybe throw in a tomato, too. In an unrelated development, the FDA announced that its dart team beat the CDC’s squad by hitting two bull’s eyes, a jalapeno and a Scotch bonnet.

Hardee’s newest menu item IS NOT the Whole Steer on a Bun. It’s actually called the Half-Slab Slider.

Ben Bernanke HAS NOT turned to Ronald McDonald for advice on jump-starting American business. It was apparently an instance of wishful thinking.

Emeril Lagasse’s head IS NOT being added to Mount Rushmore. Authorities have yet to choose between the visages of Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsay.

Nelson Peltz HAS NOT been cast for Hellboy III.

Your pink slip is showing

Today brought news that Lone Star Steakhouse had laid off 1,500 full and part-time workers as a result of closing 26 restaurants. About two weeks ago, Brinker International eliminated 125 corporate jobs. CEO Wally Doolin was among the 13 percent of Buca Inc.’s employees who lost their jobs through cutbacks that took full effect Feb. 1 (though Wally continues to serve as board chairman of the Buca di Beppo parent). In early December, Rock Bottom Breweries cut its support staff by 19 percent. Clearly manufacturing, media and financial services aren’t the only sectors of the economy to hack their payrolls in recent days. Their axes just whistled louder because of the scale.

The few foodservice economizers to snag headlines were the ones that made a public confession. No doubt plenty of other restaurant home-office staffers were quietly put out of work after their companies were acquired in the ongoing swap-a-rama. The euphemism for that scenario is “rationalization,” were the buyer eliminates redundancies in finance, marketing, administration, HR, even payroll management itself. Why bother to buy a company if you can’t wring some economies and redundancies out of the combined operations?

Others were likely let go with a dash of stealth because of the general economic malaise that’s hanging on like a mooching relative.

I wish I were starting a restaurant company, because the pool of available talent is richer than a Britney Spears blooper tape. It’ll almost certainly deepen as more deals are done, more expansion plans are scrapped, and tougher times keep bean counters scrambling to find new ways of making their numbers.

It’s a shame to see such brainpower squandered. It’s especially galling when you consider that the industry will likely whine about the dearth of middle and senior-level executive candidates when the trade pulls out of its malaise in a year or two. Instead of fire-hardening their skills and judgement, the would-be leaders will lose precious time—if the industry doesn’t lose them altogether.

A Ruth's by any other name

Restaurants routinely name menu items after people, be it the Gene Simmons Sandwich (tongue with lots of dressing) or a Paris Hilton dessert (tart or cheesecake, take your pick). But it’s far less routine to dedicate a section of the dining area to someone, especially when that person is another restaurateur.

But if you book a private function at the Ruth’s Chris Steak House in Knoxville, Tenn., you’ll options will now include the Regas Room, a tribute in carpet, wood and wall coverings to a famed local clan of restaurateurs. Oldtimers still cite Bill Regas as one of those unsung giants of the business, an entrepreneur who put the same emphasis on people, training and service that persons of a younger vintage would associate with the likes of Danny Meyer. He was also active in industry affairs through his service to the National Restaurant Association. Hence the Ruth’s Chris connection. The chain is headed by Craig Miller, a former chairman of the NRA and still an active director.

Bill and his business partner/cousin, Gus, are the sons of the Regas brothers who opened the landmark local Regas Restaurant. The family sold a part of their business in the 1980s to Brinker International, which eventually sold it to Quality Dining, with the name changed along the way. Now the Regas name will enshrined inside the Ruth’s Chris, which itself pays tribute to legendary restaurateur Ruth Fertel.