Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Your eyes don't deceive you

Rumors have been popping up this week like a Whac-a-Mole game stuck on Espresso Drinkers mode. The Scoop feels compelled to set the record straight by smashing the restaurant-related falsehoods among them. Consider, for instance, these double whoppers making the rounds.

Planet Hollywood DID NOT buy Buca di Beppo at a yard sale. A price of $9.7 million for an 88-unit chain is completely major-market, though the deal includes a barely used bowling ball and a crock pot still in its original box. Nor is it true that Bruce Willis’ colander will become a standard part of Buca’s wall d├ęcor.

Similarly, Brinker IS NOT trying to sell Romano’s Macaroni Grill on CraigsList.

The Food and Drug Administration DID NOT use a dartboard to pick a suspect for the salmonella outbreak. The agency wielded cutting-edge epidemiology to determine that the culprit was not a tomato, as it maintained for several weeks, even when another agency was citing peppers as a possibility. That same caliber of detective work later pinpointed a pepper as the likely perp. Oops—make that two types of peppers. And maybe throw in a tomato, too. In an unrelated development, the FDA announced that its dart team beat the CDC’s squad by hitting two bull’s eyes, a jalapeno and a Scotch bonnet.

Hardee’s newest menu item IS NOT the Whole Steer on a Bun. It’s actually called the Half-Slab Slider.

Ben Bernanke HAS NOT turned to Ronald McDonald for advice on jump-starting American business. It was apparently an instance of wishful thinking.

Emeril Lagasse’s head IS NOT being added to Mount Rushmore. Authorities have yet to choose between the visages of Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsay.

Nelson Peltz HAS NOT been cast for Hellboy III.

1 comment:

  1. How about this for a twist: The tomato industry sues Marler & Clarke for slander?

    Sincerely, Steakman

    ReplyDelete