Daydream believers

I was trading air-guitar licks the other day with Bluto Pilkbean, the imaginary childhood friend who helped me invent the flying car and a way of extracting super-human strength from Twizzlers. He’s recently made a name for himself in the fanciful field that’s filled many a restaurateur’s daydreams of late, the silver bullet.

“Pilkbean,” I said after we’d decided not to take the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models to dinner, “do you really buy this malarkey? So many things are stacked against the industry that all the experts are calling this a perfect storm. An operation is going to soar out of hell just by adding sliders or upgrading its coffee?”

“This from the person who believed he could obliterate all homework by electrifying Silly Putty,” he retorted. “Besides, you’re forgetting that most adapters combine the magic pills. McDonald’s is focusing on breakfast and beverages. Taco Bell is embracing cheap-o deals and new drinks and breakfast. Applebee’s is not only touting sliders and bargain-rate lunches, but also inviting customers to submit videos for a new campaign. It’s a matter of mucho mojo, mi compadre.” Pilkbean had never been quite the same since the trip to Tijuana.

“Who cares if you offer five or 50?,” I responded. “What does it get you other than one turn of consumers’ heads?”

“A point of differentiation.”

“For how long? If these killer plays do anything, everyone and their cousin copycats ‘em. It’ll be curbside takeaway or the Bloomin’ Onion all over again.” I looked to see if he was reaching for his combination death ray pistol/Pez dispenser, because I had him now.

“There’s always something new,” he noted calmly.

“Such as?”

“Well, right now some fast-casual chains are adding table service. All kinds of concepts are giving away food to bolster traffic. Eat ‘n Park and Chipotle are supposedly looking to use more local ingredients. Red Lobster just announced that it’ll give space on the menu to a dish created during one of those cooking-contest shows.”

“Isn’t that exactly what Friday’s did?”

“Well…maybe. But there’s talk of going even farther afield. Some concepts are talking about radical steps like upgrading service, renovating dining rooms, or”—he actually shivered at this point—“trying to hire and retain the best employees. Gives you goose bumps, doesn’t it?”

“You’re an idiot,” I assured. “Now let’s get back to work on our Red Sox immobilization spray.”

How lemmings draft a menu

Listen: That crunch you hear is the sound of quick-service chains squashing their points of differentiation. Instead of learning from the tragic blunder of casual dining, players one click down the service spectrum are just as avidly turning their menus into clones of the competition’s line-up. If they haven’t already copycatted McDonald’s Snack Wrap, vis-à-vis Wendy’s, Sonic, and KFC, it’s only because smoothies, premium coffees and espresso-based drinks are higher on their To Develop list. And that’s after deciding how to join the discounting binge.

In the currrent environment, you can readily understand why a chain copies a sure-fire hit for someone else. But it clearly speaks to a dearth of cleverness and creativity within the sector. Instead of analyzing why a certain product appeals to consumers and then crafting an alternative that sates the same desire, even contenders with considerable marketing knowhow are merely giving a twist to what’s already selling well.

The follow-alongs are not only betting that lightning will strike twice, but leaving themselves vulnerable to the upstart that hatches a true New Idea. If a newcomer hits on the next Bloomin’ Onion, fajita, Blizzard, chicken nuggets or smoothie, the old guard is cemented into the role of hawking commodities. How much pressure on prices can a concept take when costs are squeezing margins from the other direction?

The copycats would be better served by staying attuned to what makes their concept unique and then nudging their menus in the direction in which public tastes are moving. Leapfrogging to a far afield idea just because it worked for another player is like trying to make it as a rock star by covering last week’s hits.

Signs of the (new) times

This is a good time to be in the sign business. First KFC reveals that it might replace its familiar exterior logos with ones reading, “Kentucky Fried & Grilled Chicken,” a dramatic act of support for the chain’s new roasted chicken (it’s roasted on a plate that leaves grill marks; hence the name. Apparently “Kentucky Fried & Roasted/Grilled Chicken” was adjudged to be a bit much.)

Then sister chain Pizza Hut disclosed that the home office in Dallas will replace its exterior nameplate with one reading, “Pasta Hut,” a not-so-subtle shill for the $11.95 trays of pasta that will be added to stores’ delivery menu on April 6. The rechristening is supposed to happen next Tuesday, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day, and last for a month. But, remember, Pizza Hut is run by the same company that announced on a past April 1 that it had purchased the Liberty Bell for promotional use by its Taco Bell chain.

You have to wonder what Taco Bell’s parent has in store for the exterior signs of that chain. If it follows the patterns set with its other holdings, Yum! Brands will be swapping out the current trade dress for logos reading, “Taco Platters,” or “Taco Smoothies.” Platters were introduced a short ways back, and smoothies are on the rollout schedule for this summer.

But in the meanwhile, the signage business can pick up a little more coin from Ruth’s Chris Steak House Inc. The high-end operation doesn’t feel that its corporate identity should be based on only one restaurant brand when the fold was enlarged through a recent acquisition to include the Mitchell’s Fish Market, Mitchell’s Steakhouse and Cameron’s Steakhouse concepts. It reportedly plans to ask shareholders at their annual meeting on May 22 to approve a switch to the more inclusive handle, “Ruth’s Hospitality Group Inc.”

Splashing into the family market

Fast food’s success with beverages clearly hasn’t gone unnoticed by family specialists one notch up the pricing spectrum. Today brought news of IHOP and Steak n Shake both giving their drink menus a tweak, possibly foreshadowing an overhaul by the whole sector. And all you can think is, What took ‘em so long?

With few exceptions—IHOP and Steak n Shake among them—the segment has been squeezed flatter than a short stack by casual chains edging down market and quick-service players, particularly fast-casual upstarts, creeping upscale. Beverages were always a part of the casual sector’s assault, since places like Friendly’s or Denny’s could hardly compete mojito a mojito. Then came the more recent onslaught of the quick-service restaurants, touting their coffees and floats the way they once hyped burgers. What’s a family restaurant chain to do?

Village Inn responded with a new format that incorporates a distinct coffee bar inside. Clearly the venerable chain is giving more than a nod to Starbucks, the concept that kicked everyone’s butt until the QSRs started kicking back.

But it’s not alone in flycasting new beverage choices into the public’s pool of options. Today IHOP opened the curtain on its new Dr. Seuss-inspired promotional items, including one that sounds like a Bill Cosby hangover remedy. The Beezlenut Splash consists of cherry and blueberry-flavored Jello cubes plopped into lemon-lime soda. It’s just the thing to sip while wolfing down the limited-time special of Green Eggs and Ham, which aren’t nearly as Cat and the Hat-appropriate as they sound. The eggs are your conventional color, though scrambled with spinach to justify the name. “Green” only modifies the eggs; the ham is roughly the hue of a Spalding Pinky.

Steak n Shake’s new drinks are far less surreal. In a breakfast marketing push aimed directly at QSRs, the always-open concept today added a line of morning smoothies. Curiously, although the equipment to whip up the smoothies is obviously always there, the drinks will only be offered at breakfast, suggesting the concept doesn’t want to undercut its lunch or dinner selections, or possibly slow service.

Those brands may actually be a little behind one of the sector’s sumos, Denny’s, which has been steadily expanding its roster of drink choices. Last April, it added a new line called Juicy Fruit Fusion Favorites—basically, blends of juices and soft drinks reminiscent of mocktails.

It remains to be seen if beverages will deliver the sort of sales boost that has helped the QSR segment during a trying time for the industry as a whole. But clearly the family sector is giving that route a try.