What's in the headlines

I thought the industry had used one of its three genie wishes when the story first appeared: Modern medicine had succeeded in transplanting an arm. Finally, a way for restaurateurs to get that oft-coveted extra hand.

It took less than a half-sentence to realize the recipient was receiving a replacement—two, in fact—rather than an addition. But it just goes to show how bizarre the word can seem when the perspective is based on headlines, or even the first few words of a story. Consider these recent reports, all of which actually appeared on the news wires:

“New study finds Americans still have harsh feelings toward tequila”

“Monkey works as waiter in Japanese restaurant”

“‘Tastes like Robitussin’/New item is so bad, our teeth started to hurt,” from an AOL review of fast-food items

“‘Testicle pizza,’ ‘battered testicles’ among 31 recipes in first ‘testicle cookbook’”

“Swiss restaurant to feature breast milk.” That’d be of the human sort, Garth.

“A goomba awaits you at this Concord restaurant”

“Magical veggie challenge to right musical wrong”
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. -- "Beans, beans the musical fruit ..." For years, children have recited this memorable schoolyard chant. In fact, three out of four adults recognize the classic bean chant. But most people don't realize something is amiss in the lyrics. Beans are a vegetable, not a fruit!

As Dave Barry would say, “Folks, we couldn’t make this stuff up.”